A QUEER MIND IS A RESILIENT SPACE
My name is JC Candanedo, UK-based Queer and Migrant Visual Artist, and this is my personal project A Queer Mind is a Resilient Space, for which I revisited some episodes of my life growing up queer in Panama as a way of releasing pent-up emotions that had been repressed by my brain’s coping mechanism.
When in early 2022 New Zealand's parliament near-unanimously passed legislation that banned conversion therapy, the memories from my childhood and young adulthood started flooding back. Life as a queer teenager in Central America in the 80s was no fun fair ride. Living with the stigma of being a homosexual during the AIDS pandemic, and the overall feeling of being an unwanted person by family, neighbours, classmates and society in general is so much more than a young person can take.
With the help of my long-time collaborators, hair and makeup artist Rachel Williamson and artist Max Gershon, I developed a series of images in which they both created artistic responses to phrases and comments that people have told me throughout my life regarding my sexuality:
“but, you don’t look gay...”, as if to be considered queer I had to have some sort of visible sign declaring my sexuality.
“¡Maricón!”, which translates into “faggot!”, a slur that my father used repeatedly when questioning other men’s masculinities and one that as a child I learnt to resent.
“who’s the man and who’s the woman?”, referring to my relationships. An experience that put me in the position of always having to educate others on gender identities and roles.
“what you have is considered by the American Psychiatric Association as a mental disorder but, no worries, it can be treated and we are here to help you get better”, when my parents took me to a doctor to cure me of being gay.
For queer young people, just being who you are can make life difficult or dangerous. Queer young people usually do not have an adult in their lives who they can talk to about the challenges that they are facing. They are more likely to be at risk of living in hostile environments, of developing mental health issues, or of becoming homeless.
A supportive and inclusive environment at home or school, where they can feel safe to talk about their challenges, can be life-changing. In my case, a school counsellor noticed that something was not right with me and suggested that I saw the school’s therapist. Thanks to their intervention, I managed to overcome and navigate some really tough times and become a functioning adult. Not every queer young person has that fortune.
Model: Max Gershon
Hair and Makeup Artist: Rachel Williamson
